A more expanded apology

I’ve been very busy and sick this past week. But I still want to expand on my apology for the whole misogyny in the gay community post. The trans* community definitely deserves a better and more complete apology than the quick one I gave when the post sort of exploded over tumblr.

Beyond the terrible cissexism and erasure in the post, I’m further troubled by some terrible parallels I can see with what I wrote and stuff like the vagina monologues. And, thus, I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ve added to the ammunition of white cis feminists. I’ve given them further weapons and tools to use against people like me… Sigh. One of those moments where you wish you can go back into the past and change what you do.

To a certain extent, I still think some aspects of the discussion are worth having. But how I framed it completely destroyed the point and ended up being massively oppressive to a great deal of people I think are super important. Because, after all, it is about impact and not intent.

Like, it could have been valuable to examine the denigration of vaginas by cis gay men and how that feeds into the problems I’ve seen trans* gay men experience with the cis gay community. Or to examine how disgust for the bodies of trans* women has to do with transmisogyny.

But I didn’t do any of these things. Instead… I ranted about gay men and their hatred of vaginas/women. When I should have specified cis gay men, so as not to erase trans* gay men. When I shouldn’t have conflated vaginas with women, thus erasing trans* women.

I also didn’t consider how some people may have compelling reasons to be disgusted with vaginas (i.e., dysphoria seems like a valid one).

I was trying to draw connections between disgust and moral judgements. And how, within a cissexist view, disgust with vaginas can lead to misogyny. Tried… But failed. Because this is how I should have framed my discussion but my actual articulation of this notion was damaging and did little good.

So. I’m sorry. Very sorry.

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